冥想催眠日記 2022.11.12-14 What is Wrong

2022.11.12 Saturday
繼續之前的練習，二十五分鐘。
進門，從金光變回我抱著八仔。去漂浮吧。我們經隨意門，踏出去已是一片漆黑，像在水中行走的感覺。我們輕鬆地漂浮著。漆黑中隱約有一片白紗，上面有素色像樹枝般的幼花紋。有黑便有白，漆黑也不能單獨存在吧。我放大看白紗那邊，看見我像是穿著薄白滑質地繡花上衣，成套的直腳長褲也是同樣白色布質，腳上穿著紅色繡花拖鞋，黑髮像是燙過。那裡是個大廚房，我拿著葵扇在爐邊撥火看火。廚房中央有一張正方木枱，一個中年黑髮梳髻黑衣黑長褲女人坐在那裡，不停手在剝甚麼然後放到枱上的竹筲箕，她似乎是這裡的廚娘，但沒作聲也沒理我。廚房裡還有一隻黑貓，我邊看火邊跟他玩。鏡頭一轉，我看見幾個年紀少不了我多少的男女出門，是這裡的少爺小姐，我很羡慕他們可以去上學。我似乎是這裡的姨太太，可以燙頭髮和穿有花質地較好的衣服，也要服侍老爺，所以要親自給他準備燉品。回到自己房間，那裡有隻白底黑紋貓，我常抱著他跟他很親近。鏡頭一轉，我穿著紫紅色金銀繡花貼身旗袍，陪老爺出席飯局，這也是我喜歡的，可以跟他出去見識，聽聽席間他們的談話，說著我不知道的東西。我看沒甚麼新畫面，便回到漆黑中漂浮。時間到了，我們經隨意門回到房裡，變成金光出木門。

2022.11.13 Sunday
繼續之前的練習，二十五分鐘。
進門，從金光變回我抱著八仔，走到梳化，我先在梳化盤腿坐，讓八仔好像平日我打坐時坐在我腿上。我摸著他看著他。一會，我又背靠著近窗那邊的扶手，抱著八仔，跟他說話，摸他的臉和眼，吻他，哄他的鼻和臉。中途有些人的對話，我察覺時又回到梳化摸八仔。一會，我睡下在梳化，枕著一個小同色啡色皮枕頭，八仔睡在我的左臂彎，我又摸著他，很舒服很安心很溫暖。時間到了，我們變回金光出木門。

2022.11.14 Monday
繼續之前的練習，二十五分鐘。
進門，從金光變回我抱著八仔，我對八仔說，我們去看樹吧。走出隨意門到青草地，走到左後的生命之樹，放下八仔。八仔快樂地跑著跳著，追蝴蝶和小鳥。我環抱著生命之樹，身體緊貼著樹，頭也靠著樹幹。樹這時發出金光，樹上枝葉更翠綠茂盛，蘋果結得更紅更大更多，樹周圍的草和花長高，開滿紅色黃色紫色的小花。I asked the tree of life, what is wrong? The tree said, nothing is wrong, things just happen, there is nothing wrong, they just happen. if you see anything wrong, be patient. there are meanings for things happened, it's just you may not be able to see them now. I asked the tree, what if I feel wrong? The tree said, what is the feeling of feeling wrong? I thought about occasions that I felt wrong. There were usually defending, and finding of reasons and explanations. The tree said, when you are defending, there's something there, keep going, see more deeply. I was thinking about looking up and looking down. Seems I'm not worried of being looked down, as I know my capabilities well. Rather I would be triggered by failing to make others look up on me. The tree said, so what's behind that? I saw unworthiness, and unappreciated. Okay, so I should work on seeing and recognising that I'm worthy and appreciating myself. The tree said, as well as seeing the related projections around you, and also starting with appreciating others in the way that you want to be appreciated. I keep embracing the tree of life and integrate the message within. 時間到了，我抱起八仔，經隨意門回到房裡，變成金光出木門。